When God rants back at you

Sent an email out to some of my prayer sisters tonight crying out in anger and frustration, but of course it didn't make anything better. Have you ever noticed that when you vent in righteous anger, the kind where you actually have a legitimate gripe, you tend to feel a sense of release and the ability to look at things more objectively? It's kind of like a pressure release valve. But, when you vent in pettiness all you do is make yourself more angry, more frustrated, more sad. Yup, that was me tonight. I ended up sitting with the Bible in front of me and it opened to Deuteronomy, right where I had highlighted some verses awhile back. God decided to send some venting right back at me. Over and over these words kept popping out...


Deut. 6: 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

Deut. 7: 9 Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.

Deut. 7: 12-14 If you pay attention to these laws and are careful to follow them, then the LORD your God will keep his covenant of love with you, as he swore to your forefathers. He will love you and bless you and increase your numbers. He will bless the fruit of your womb, the crops of your land... You will be blessed more than any other people; none of your men or women will be childless, nor any of your livestock without young.

Deut. 10: 12 And now, O Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul.

Deut. 11: 1 Love the LORD your God and keep his requirements, his decrees, his laws and his commands always.

Deut. 11: 13, 14 So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today - to love the LORD your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul - then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and oil.

are you seeing the theme here? All the things he asks us to love him with are the things he has to give us to live, our heart, not just the pumping organ but the very thing that makes us reach out to others, our soul, the part of us that cries out for his coming, for that perfect world and our strength, something we all feel like escapes us at any given moment. They are also the things we give away with increasing ease, we give our hearts to anyone who says they love us back, we give our soul to anything that takes away the ache for that missing part, we give our strength to all the things we think we "have to do" and we end up wondering why we feel soo far away from him and without anything left to give him... left to give him... left to give him, why do we get it sooo backwards?

I've been saying how angry I am at God right now, but it isn't righteous, it doesn't do anything but stoke the flames. Oh how Satan has been laughing at me and egging me on, I can feel it, and I'm tired of it, I have no idea of how to stop it. All I can do is place the Word in front of myself and pray, pray like I haven't before, pray for truth to step out in front of me, pray for strength to say "Get the behind me Satan" even when it comes in the form of a well meaning friend, pray for the wisdom to put away the keyboard and pick up His Word, pray that my narrow minded sight be widened to see more, more of what he wants me to be, see and do. I've been soo busy looking at the last part of those verses and not any time growing in the first part, it's time to stop focusing on what God can do for me and to just focus on God. My good and patient God is one day going to have enough of my pettiness and will let me stew in my juices and I really don't want that to happen. So my prayer sisters, I'm sorry, and I'm asking you to join me in praying over this stronghold, I'm done and tired of it and ready to be free indeed