Saturday, November 28, 2009

It Must Be Small

Below is from my daily readings. I am so thankful today for the small company, the band of brothers (and sisters) who have gathered with me to walk in each others lives. Thank you for your trust, your guidance, your support and most of all for your unconditional love! You all are an answer to years of prayer for this very thing.

When he left Rivendell, Frodo didn’t head out with a thousand Elves. He had eight companions. Jesus didn’t march around backed by legions of angels, either. He had twelve men – knuckleheads, every last one of them, but they were a band of brothers. This is the way of the kingdom of God. Though we are part of a great company, we are meant to live in little platoons. The little companies we form must be small enough for each of the members to know one another as friends and allies.

Who will fight for your heart?

How can we offer the stream of counseling to one another, unless we actually know one another, know each other’s stories? The reason counseling became a hired relationship between two people was largely because we couldn’t find it anywhere else; we haven’t formed the sort of small fellowships that would allow the stream to flow quite naturally. Is it possible to offer rich and penetrating words to someone you barely know, in the lobby of your church, as you dash to pick up the kids?

Where will you find the Four Streams?

The Four Streams are something we learn, and grow into, and offer one another, within a small fellowship. We hear each other’s stories. We discover each other’s glories. We learn to walk with God together. We pray for each other’s healing. We cover each other’s back. This small core fellowship is the essential ingredient for the Christian life. Jesus modeled it for us for a reason. Sure, he spoke to the masses. But he lived in a little platoon, a small fellowship of friends and allies. His followers took his example and lived this way, too. “They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts” (2:46). “Aquila and Priscilla greet you warmly in the Lord, and so does the church that meets at their house” (1 Cor 16:19). “Give my greetings to the brothers at Laodicea, and to Nympha and the church in her house” (Col 4:15). (Waking The Dead , 190, 191 )

Monday, November 16, 2009

Proof God hears

Have you ever had someone say they cried out to God for proof that he existed or that he was really listening to their cries, or had that happen yourself and that there was an immediate response? Like a phone call from someone saying "I don't know why but I'm praying for you".

This is something I've only heard about from friends and never experienced myself, and I'm struggling with whether or not I should even need this. Lately I've been crying out to God about needing some very specific concrete proof that he is even hearing my hearts cry yet I feel such a blank wall, and then I start to wonder what am I doing wrong that I can't hear God.

I'm having to walk through such an ambiguous physical situation right now that if feels like only something concrete from God will ground me. And yet do I have the right to ask for that? I can't begin to find direction on this in my bible and I know that is my own fault for not knowing it like I should.

Lord God, you know what I'm asking for (and it's not a pregnancy, though that would be nice) and it's something I know only you could bring about. Please hear my cry and meet me today, show me you are really listening to my heart.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

My Hopes and Dreams
Now Carried on Butterfly Wings

Thursday, November 12, 2009

A Conscious Choice

I'm beginning to realize that I can have a conscious choice to hope, to dream, to wait and see what God has planned for me. I can have hope without the dread of crushing disappointment. Not to say that the disappointment might not come but I can chose to let it be overwhelming or merely something I acknowledge but don't give power to.

Psalm 42:11 (New International Version)
11 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Pain will come, disappointment will come but so can Joy and Hope if I allow them to.

If I shut the windows and doors and never look outside I'll never know when the rain stops and the sun comes shining again!

If you've knelt beside the rubble
Of an aching broken heart
When the things you gave your life to
Fell apart
You're not the first to be acquainted
With sorrow grief or pain
But the master promised sunshine
After rain

Hold on my child
Joy comes in the morning
Weeping only last for the night
Hold on my child
Joy comes in the morning
The darkest hour means dawn
Is just in sight

To invest your seed of trust in God
In mountains you can't move
You have risked your life on things
You can not prove
But to give the things you can not keep
For what you can not lose
Is the way to find the joy
God has for you

Hold on my child
Joy comes in the morning
Weeping only last for the night
Hold on my child
Joy comes in the morning
The darkest hour means dawn
Is just in sight

The darkest hour means dawn
Is just in sight

Joy Comes in the Morning by Bill and Gloria Gaither

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Longing for Hope

I think if I wait till I'm ready to talk about this I'll never get it out. On Wednesday October 14th I found out I was pregnant, something I've been dreaming about and desiring for 6 years. On Friday October 16th I started to miscarry. That was the longest hardest weekend of my life. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows in 3 short days. Needless to say I've had some choice words for God this past month.

I've had such a tenuous grasp on hope for a real long time and this just crushed any hope I had left. I don't know if I even know how to hope anymore.

I should start my period this week, all I can see is the promise of more pain, of more crushed dreams, I can't even see the potential for joy. I need God in such a mighty way this week but in all honesty I don't expect to see Him, and that grieves me more than anything.

I know Hope is out there waiting I just don't know how to find it.