I think if I wait till I'm ready to talk about this I'll never get it out. On Wednesday October 14th I found out I was pregnant, something I've been dreaming about and desiring for 6 years. On Friday October 16th I started to miscarry. That was the longest hardest weekend of my life. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows in 3 short days. Needless to say I've had some choice words for God this past month.
I've had such a tenuous grasp on hope for a real long time and this just crushed any hope I had left. I don't know if I even know how to hope anymore.
I should start my period this week, all I can see is the promise of more pain, of more crushed dreams, I can't even see the potential for joy. I need God in such a mighty way this week but in all honesty I don't expect to see Him, and that grieves me more than anything.
I know Hope is out there waiting I just don't know how to find it.
2 comments:
Oh Shelly....you are in my prayers sister! I have walked that road.. I pray that you feel God in a mighty way this week...
I love you! Can't wait to hug on you VERY soon!
Liz
:( Sorry Shelly. I believe you will find hope soon.
I wrote something a year and a half ago on Hope. I just reposted it on my blog for you. I went through a long period of hopeless which led to despair. And then the Lord started to draw me out, and I wrote down some of what I learned. My situation was different than yours though....but there was still grief. If it helps great, if not junk it.
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