If you were to put a hidden camera on me you would never in a million years call me a "Martha". I'm prone to selfish laziness, plopping myself down with my computer, the TV or a book and just vegging. I can get busy when needed but it's not my bent to be productive constantly, ironically it's the thing I hate most about myself and the one thing I feel most powerless to change. It seems so overwhelming. On the flip side you also would not call me a "Mary" by any stretch of the imagination. I don't know how to just sit at the Masters feet. My mind is constantly racing through lists, ideas, made up conversations, and all manner of thing, in fact right now I’m having trouble concentrating and not running down some rabbit trail, and this is something I want to be doing.
The other day when a friend and I were talking about this very thing I coined a title for myself. I’m a “Mental Martha”. Even if you never see me do a single thing my mind is on the go. I truly don’t know how to just be still and listen, to soak in truth and I’m starting to realize there is an element of fear in this part of myself. I can admit that I’m scared that when I stop there won’t be anything to hear. That I’m defective in some way and God can’t get through to me. If I were to be truly honest there is still that little part that worries that I’m a goat and that when I get still the reason I won’t hear anything is because I’m not his.
For our first Sunday family church time this year Matt had us talking about being a new creation. We came up with making New Life Resolutions with the kids and I’ve been pondering on what mine should be and this is what I’ve decided. I’m going to work on becoming a “Physical Mary” first. I’m going to take those steps I know I need to do to be willing to get still, get quiet and see what happens. I know it’s going to take a lot of God’s patience and power to break through the habits I’ve set in place but I know that if I don’t do this now I’m going to continue to battle the defeat I feel when Satan gets his best weapons out. Prayerfully one day I’ll become a “Mental Mary” and be able to soak in his presence even when I’m actually in Martha mode.
As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10: 38-42
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