Monday, January 10, 2011

A phone call out of the blue

On July 4th 2010 we got a very unexpected phone call. A friend that I have never talked about adoption with called to tell us about a family friend who was expecting and wanted to know if we might be interested in giving the baby a home. Needless to say we were a little floored. Adoption has been something we've talked about off and on at different times in our marriage but wasn't something we had decided on doing.

After the miscarriage it had been on my mind and as God began showing us the ministry He wanted us to follow it became even more in my vocabulary but was still not something Matt and I had talked about, yet.
Well, during the weeks that followed, we learned all we could about private adoption so we could feel like we were making an informed decision. We kept saying, unless God says no we feel we should proceed as if this is what we are supposed to do. Trust me there were lots and lots of conversations, "what if" became a daily part of our lives. And then God threw us a curve ball...

We had spent a week on vacation with Matt's family like we do each summer and came home ready to get right back into things. I had a mammogram scheduled for the Monday after we got back but knew that I hadn't started yet ( I was about a week late) so figured I better test to make sure I wasn't pregnant... well I was! So now we weren't just looking at adding one child to our family but potentially two in less than a year.. did I mention the baby we were looking to adopt was due in mid September... yeah, we would have been looking at babies seven months apart in age. And then the mom disappeared. We had no way to track her down, the family we had been using as intermediaries didn't know where she was. We began to feel like God was telling us we had been faithful to listen to him but now he had other plans. Knowing me do you think that went over well?

I'll be honest, I still mourn that little boy (we found out it was a boy). We don't know where he is, if the state stepped in, if the mom had got her act together or what. I have to trust God daily that he is watching over that little one and has a plan for him. I wonder and ask why a lot, Why did we have the miscarriage, why did we start this adoption process and then have it all fall through and why did it take this long for us to reach a point where we are closer in what we see our family as. We still don't see eye to eye, I'd still fill our house with kids that need us and God's love, either full time or part time but our pages are much closer than they used to be in the book. I look forward with joy to the birth of the little one I'm carrying, getting to participate in this miracle again is such a blessing. I wonder what God has planned for us in the years to come.  I hope it involves more children but am learning contentment in the wait and see.

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