The Plain Path

A turn in the path

2011-07-30T13:29:00.001-05:00

God changed our lives on April 16, 2011 when he brought Judah Gray Cook into the world. Since his birth God has shown us even more changes are in store.. watch what he's doing and travel down the plain path with us.

But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.

2011-01-21T10:04:00.000-06:00

There is something special about being pregnant during Christmas, especially with a son. I find myself thinking about what Mary had to have been going through. If you know anything about history you know that there were no hospitals, no epidurals, no nurses holding your hand and no doctors to oversee it all (my own views on this are a totally separate blog). In the best of circumstances women came together when it was time for a friend or family member to deliver and walked her through it, in the worst it was like Mary. There she was, young (possibly as young as 13), tired from traveling, alone with her husband who would have had limited knowledge of birth since he was a carpenter at trade, I'm sure more than a little nervous if not down right scared, with no where to give birth and in pain, yes pain, I have no doubt that Mary wasn't spared the pain of childbirth just because it was Jesus. It cracks me up that every picture of Mary and Jesus is like the one I have to the left, calm, collected beautiful Mary with every hair in place holding baby Jesus, a baby that looks like it's at least 1 month old, not a red, crying squirming baby. I don't know about you but the pictures of me after the kids were born are not some of my favorites, my hair is wild, my face is flush, there are tears from joy and pain, and the kids, well we're talking newborns here, and even days after there are very few pictures of a wide awake, cooing infant. I know, tangent but still, think about it. Anyway, back to Mary, like I said, I'm amazed at what Mary must have been going through. I wonder what she pondered.
The knowledge that Mary carried with her is overwhelming. I have to believe one of two things, Mary was stronger than any other mother on earth or God chose someone pure in heart but with limited knowledge of what the prophecies meant. Can you imagine carrying a child that you knew would become the Saviour of all mankind and knowing all that would have to happen to him to attain that goal? I don't think I could do it and I have decades and centuries of Christ followers before me leading the way. I would do anything to protect this little one growing inside me from pain, I don't know if I could even be as strong as Abraham and trust God in a very real physical sense. And yet there is a very real possibility that from the very beginning Mary knew enough about the Messianic Prophecies to know that her son would have to die for the worlds salvation. She was seeing all she had been taught coming true before her.

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel. Isaiah 7:14

“But you, Bethlehem Ephrathah, though you are small among the clans of Judah, out of you will come for me one who will be ruler over Israel, whose origins are from of old, from ancient times.” Micah 5:2

and if she knew these to be truth then she probably knew at least some of the other prophecies, especially this one:

Isaiah 53

1 Who has believed our message and to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
2 He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a root out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
3 He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.
4 Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted.
5 But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.
6 We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.
7 He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.
8 By oppression and judgment he was taken away. Yet who of his generation protested? For he was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgression of my people he was punished.
9 He was assigned a grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death, though he had done no violence, nor was any deceit in his mouth.
10 Yet it was the LORD’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer, and though the LORD makes his life an offering for sin, he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.
11 After he has suffered, he will see the light of life and be satisfied; by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many, and he will bear their iniquities.
12 Therefore I will give him a portion among the great, and he will divide the spoils with the strong, because he poured out his life unto death, and was numbered with the transgressors. For he bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.

Read that and tell me you don't get the big picture. Wow. I don't think I can know these prophecies and know that Mary might have had at least a limited understanding of them and look at what she went through with anything other than awe.She would one day go from the mother gazing with love at a newborn full of promise to a mother gazing with love and sorrow at a Son giving his life for people who didn't care. I don't think she is a Saint in the sense that others do but I do believe that she was touched by God in an amazing way. I wish there was more about her in the Bible, I would have loved to know more about what she thought and pondered. And I firmly believe she treasured each and every day of Jesus' life, holding each one as a special memory for what was to come. If I don't learn anything else from her it's this. Each day with my children are to be treasured and looked at as blessed.

Lord help me to enjoy the good days and the bad, to see your hand in the mundane and to praise you each and every day. Help me to treasure all your Son did for me and to teach your truths to my family.

A phone call out of the blue

2011-01-10T10:17:00.000-06:00

On July 4th 2010 we got a very unexpected phone call. A friend that I have never talked about adoption with called to tell us about a family friend who was expecting and wanted to know if we might be interested in giving the baby a home. Needless to say we were a little floored. Adoption has been something we've talked about off and on at different times in our marriage but wasn't something we had decided on doing.

After the miscarriage it had been on my mind and as God began showing us the ministry He wanted us to follow it became even more in my vocabulary but was still not something Matt and I had talked about, yet.
Well, during the weeks that followed, we learned all we could about private adoption so we could feel like we were making an informed decision. We kept saying, unless God says no we feel we should proceed as if this is what we are supposed to do. Trust me there were lots and lots of conversations, "what if" became a daily part of our lives. And then God threw us a curve ball...

We had spent a week on vacation with Matt's family like we do each summer and came home ready to get right back into things. I had a mammogram scheduled for the Monday after we got back but knew that I hadn't started yet ( I was about a week late) so figured I better test to make sure I wasn't pregnant... well I was! So now we weren't just looking at adding one child to our family but potentially two in less than a year.. did I mention the baby we were looking to adopt was due in mid September... yeah, we would have been looking at babies seven months apart in age. And then the mom disappeared. We had no way to track her down, the family we had been using as intermediaries didn't know where she was. We began to feel like God was telling us we had been faithful to listen to him but now he had other plans. Knowing me do you think that went over well?

I'll be honest, I still mourn that little boy (we found out it was a boy). We don't know where he is, if the state stepped in, if the mom had got her act together or what. I have to trust God daily that he is watching over that little one and has a plan for him. I wonder and ask why a lot, Why did we have the miscarriage, why did we start this adoption process and then have it all fall through and why did it take this long for us to reach a point where we are closer in what we see our family as. We still don't see eye to eye, I'd still fill our house with kids that need us and God's love, either full time or part time but our pages are much closer than they used to be in the book. I look forward with joy to the birth of the little one I'm carrying, getting to participate in this miracle again is such a blessing. I wonder what God has planned for us in the years to come. I hope it involves more children but am learning contentment in the wait and see.

How many people can you fit in a small house... or what Matt and I feel is God's mission for our lives.

2011-01-06T10:30:00.000-06:00

So this spring brought us a new experience. We had a friend of Matt's from high school need a place to stay with her young girls. She needed the opportunity to get out of an unhealthy relationship. We chose to trust God and open up our home to them. We moved furniture around, blew up multiple air mattresses and went from a family of 4 to a family of 7 in one weekend.
It was amazing what God showed us during that time. Unknown to me God had plans for me to be thrust into an unknown... my own foreign missions as it were. I have always been a behind the scenes person, preferring to do the organizing, cleaning, feeding etc. and Matt is much better at the inter personal part of relationships. Let's face it the man can talk, he thrives on conversation with others, hearing their hearts, hurts and joys. Well God wanted me to grow in the areas of talk, he placed in our home someone who needed to hear my story, my heart and what he has done in my life. Matt and I had already been praying together but not real consistently. God impressed upon Matt the importance of starting our day in prayer for some days it was the only thing that kept me going. I had for all intents and purposes a stranger in my home and at times I was still dealing w/ the loss of our baby in the fall... I didn't feel like I could have bad days. He also made it very clear to both of us that this was his mission for our lives, meeting the needs of women and children in crisis in many different ways. We have talked almost daily about what this will look like and we quickly realize that there was going to be no set pattern. Do you know how hard this is for two people who like to plan and have all our ducks in a row. God keeps reminding us that His ways are the only way and that we will have to rely on Him daily to show us the next step.
Since then we have become ears and arms for several friends along the way, people who are hurting, who are going through life changes and need to see Christ in the flesh just to get through the day. It has been such a blessing to us both to walk along side them and to be allowed to be part of their lives. We are trusting God daily to show us how He wants us to work with Him in this life and believing that we will have a positive impact on many lives around us.
Through it all we hold fast to this one concept: We don't know what the future holds but we know (trust and believe in) WHO holds the future.

A Pool Day instead of a Birth Day

2010-11-30T10:11:00.000-06:00

As the summer crept closer I was starting to worry how I would handle the day that would have been our due date. I knew that God had done quite a bit of healing already and I was super blessed to see where He had opened our lives in ways that might not have happened had the pregnancy continued but that date was looming large. I decided to do what they tell you to do when your pregnant and plan something fun on my "due date". I emailed all my closest friends, my sisters in Christ who had been carrying me through this past year in prayer, love and support, and planned a pool day. Bring the kids, your lunch and help make it a positive day.

Yet again God blessed my socks off that day. Not only did I wake up feeling at peace but the time spent w/ my sisters was a bonus. He made sure that I never felt despondent or sorrowful that day.. there were one or two moments of sadness but not the possible depression I was worried about. Each day after there were less and less times of wondering what if and what might have been. I still every now and then question why I had to have a miscarriage in the first place but I'm trusting God to know it all and it's okay now if I never know why. I am so blessed in my life with the the things He's shown us about our mission field and look forward to the years ahead.

Next.. How many people can you fit in a small house... or what Matt and I feel is God's mission for our lives.

How quickly life can change

2010-11-17T10:48:00.000-06:00

My sweet husband pointed out to me I hadn't posted in quite a long time.. truth is I really struggled over this past year with wanting to share with anyone but my closest family my pain and hurt and even what God was showing.. plus my eldest accidentally wiped my hard drive this summer and I've just gotten around to finding passwords and links and such. So what has happened in our life you ask? Well I can sum it up w/ one verse...

Joel 2:25
And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.

God has brought the miracle of life to our home yet again... it's been a long saga and over the next couple of weeks I hope to be able to step back in time and share some of what happened. I know he took me away from this forum for a season so I could focus on things he wanted me to learn and relationships he wanted me to strengthen. I am back now and pray that His Glory will be revealed through my plain speech. Hope you meet Him more through our story.

Actively looking for Joy

2010-03-02T22:24:00.000-06:00

My sweet sister in love Bethany posted on her blog the other day about joy and has inspired me to make my own list of things that bring me joy. I'm with her and I'm tired of tying my joy up in my circumstances and my future desires. So here goes, things that bring me joy:

1. The love of my life, Ryan Matthew Cook, he desires me when I'm feeling less than desirable, he loves me when I feel less than lovely ( or lovable) and he blesses my socks off with his devotion to our family.

2. My two miracle children, because all children are a miracle when you think about all that has to happen for conception to even exist.

3. Being able to stay home with them each day and to provide a growing, nurturing environment for them.

4. Seeing not only their growth educationally but most especially spiritually.

5. FAMILY!

6. The family of friends and fellow believers that fill my life and days, I couldn't have travelled through these ups and downs without them. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your lives.

7. My monday nights... starting with loving on kids at Agape while their parents are learning about God and ending with an amazing group of ladies who have loved me and prayed me through it all.

8. Clothes hanging on a line in the sunshine.

9. Sonshine... and Sunshine!

10. A great glass of red wine and some dark chocolate.

11. Playing worship music at full volume while I clean my house.

12. A perfect day at the beach.

A good dozen is good for now.. I think I could go on and that is a good thing, for me anyway.. Thanks Bethany for the reminder of all he has blessed me with. Love you sis!

Struggling to Kneel

2010-01-11T10:57:00.000-06:00

Just before John Ashcroft was being sworn in as a US senator, he met with family and friends for prayer. As they gathered around him, he saw his dad trying to get up from the couch where he sat. Since his father was in frail health, Ashcroft told him, “That’s okay, Dad. You don’t have to stand up to pray for me.” His father replied, “I’m not struggling to stand up. I’m struggling to kneel.”

His father was about to kneel in intercessory prayer for his son, this isn't my problem, I can and often pray for others, knowing or feeling what God wants me to pray. I'm not perfect at it by any means but it's easier for me than praying for myself. This is where I struggle to kneel. I get so lost in knowing what I'm supposed to be praying for. When it comes to myself I feel so much like I'm talking to a brick wall. So I give up, I quit. What is the disconnect, what is the breakdown? I know it has to be me because everyone and everything tells me that God is perfect and Holy so it can't be on his side. And when you know something inside you is broken, and it feels like it's been broken for so long, you try to fix it. But you can only go so long battling to fix something before you just grow weary of the fight. You start to wonder if you can maybe just figure out a way to live with the broken parts and the pain... the only cure is death and that is so far in the distance...

I want Peace, Joy, Patience, Perceverance, Freedom, Trust, JOY, Faith, Belief, Courage...

Oh Lord, I need to know you are there and you can hear me, show me how to break down the wall, you have to be on the other side because the alternative is unbearable.

Confessions of a Mental Martha

2010-01-07T10:28:00.000-06:00

If you were to put a hidden camera on me you would never in a million years call me a "Martha". I'm prone to selfish laziness, plopping myself down with my computer, the TV or a book and just vegging. I can get busy when needed but it's not my bent to be productive constantly, ironically it's the thing I hate most about myself and the one thing I feel most powerless to change. It seems so overwhelming. On the flip side you also would not call me a "Mary" by any stretch of the imagination. I don't know how to just sit at the Masters feet. My mind is constantly racing through lists, ideas, made up conversations, and all manner of thing, in fact right now I’m having trouble concentrating and not running down some rabbit trail, and this is something I want to be doing.

The other day when a friend and I were talking about this very thing I coined a title for myself. I’m a “Mental Martha”. Even if you never see me do a single thing my mind is on the go. I truly don’t know how to just be still and listen, to soak in truth and I’m starting to realize there is an element of fear in this part of myself. I can admit that I’m scared that when I stop there won’t be anything to hear. That I’m defective in some way and God can’t get through to me. If I were to be truly honest there is still that little part that worries that I’m a goat and that when I get still the reason I won’t hear anything is because I’m not his.

For our first Sunday family church time this year Matt had us talking about being a new creation. We came up with making New Life Resolutions with the kids and I’ve been pondering on what mine should be and this is what I’ve decided. I’m going to work on becoming a “Physical Mary” first. I’m going to take those steps I know I need to do to be willing to get still, get quiet and see what happens. I know it’s going to take a lot of God’s patience and power to break through the habits I’ve set in place but I know that if I don’t do this now I’m going to continue to battle the defeat I feel when Satan gets his best weapons out. Prayerfully one day I’ll become a “Mental Mary” and be able to soak in his presence even when I’m actually in Martha mode.

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10: 38-42

When God rants back at you

2009-12-22T22:51:00.000-06:00

Sent an email out to some of my prayer sisters tonight crying out in anger and frustration, but of course it didn't make anything better. Have you ever noticed that when you vent in righteous anger, the kind where you actually have a legitimate gripe, you tend to feel a sense of release and the ability to look at things more objectively? It's kind of like a pressure release valve. But, when you vent in pettiness all you do is make yourself more angry, more frustrated, more sad. Yup, that was me tonight. I ended up sitting with the Bible in front of me and it opened to Deuteronomy, right where I had highlighted some verses awhile back. God decided to send some venting right back at me. Over and over these words kept popping out...

Deut. 6: 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.

Deut. 7: 9 Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.

Deut. 7: 12-14 If you pay attention to these laws and are careful to follow them, then the LORD your God will keep his covenant of love with you, as he swore to your forefathers. He will love you and bless you and increase your numbers. He will bless the fruit of your womb, the crops of your land... You will be blessed more than any other people; none of your men or women will be childless, nor any of your livestock without young.

Deut. 10: 12 And now, O Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul.

Deut. 11: 1 Love the LORD your God and keep his requirements, his decrees, his laws and his commands always.

Deut. 11: 13, 14 So if you faithfully obey the commands I am giving you today - to love the LORD your God and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul - then I will send rain on your land in its season, both autumn and spring rains, so that you may gather in your grain, new wine and oil.

are you seeing the theme here? All the things he asks us to love him with are the things he has to give us to live, our heart, not just the pumping organ but the very thing that makes us reach out to others, our soul, the part of us that cries out for his coming, for that perfect world and our strength, something we all feel like escapes us at any given moment. They are also the things we give away with increasing ease, we give our hearts to anyone who says they love us back, we give our soul to anything that takes away the ache for that missing part, we give our strength to all the things we think we "have to do" and we end up wondering why we feel soo far away from him and without anything left to give him... left to give him... left to give him, why do we get it sooo backwards?

I've been saying how angry I am at God right now, but it isn't righteous, it doesn't do anything but stoke the flames. Oh how Satan has been laughing at me and egging me on, I can feel it, and I'm tired of it, I have no idea of how to stop it. All I can do is place the Word in front of myself and pray, pray like I haven't before, pray for truth to step out in front of me, pray for strength to say "Get the behind me Satan" even when it comes in the form of a well meaning friend, pray for the wisdom to put away the keyboard and pick up His Word, pray that my narrow minded sight be widened to see more, more of what he wants me to be, see and do. I've been soo busy looking at the last part of those verses and not any time growing in the first part, it's time to stop focusing on what God can do for me and to just focus on God. My good and patient God is one day going to have enough of my pettiness and will let me stew in my juices and I really don't want that to happen. So my prayer sisters, I'm sorry, and I'm asking you to join me in praying over this stronghold, I'm done and tired of it and ready to be free indeed

If we focus too much on Christmas we might miss Christ

2009-12-21T13:49:00.004-06:00

This Christmas has been strange, I don't know if it's because of the miscarriage or because of the sprititual changes God is making in Matt and I or a combination of both but it's been different for sure. I am having a hard time getting into the mode of comercial gift giving, deciding what to give people has been on such the back burner this year. And it seems like every book I pick up, every song I sing, every person I talk to has made me start to question what does Christmas really mean to me. I decided to ask some questions of my family to see what they would say. Here are the questions and responses.

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think about Christmas?

Serah: getting presents, "Santa if he does exist after all", "Sometimes I think about Jesus and his birth but most of the time I don't"

Ethan: "I think about presents but also about the birth of Christ"

Matt: "bills, where does the money go?, hectic schedules, spending time with family and friends"

Me: "hectic schedules, pleasing family, getting it all done, looking festive"

What do you enjoy about Christmas?

Serah: "happiness, being excited, getting presents, being thankful"

Matt: "getting to do special things with family, getting time off of work to spend with family"

Me: "filling the house with good smelling goodies (baking), dressing up for parties, finding that perfect gift"

What does Christmas mean to you?

Ethan: "If he wasn't born we wouldn't be here today", "You don't give just to recieve"

Matt: " a season where we struggle to focus on the right things"

I know the kids are just kids but it really made me wonder what the emphasis has been on so far in their lives, what have we been teaching them. I know that Matt and I both struggle with not losing our temper with them and each other each year as the stresses mount up. We battle the Bah Humbugs and the blahs, and only just manage to come out of it in time for Christmas Eve. Tell me, what kind of example is that?
All this makes me wonder, what can we learn from this? Also, how in the heck do we balance what we feel God is showing us with expectations that won't change by people who either won't get it or aren't in the same place we are.

I think we both are feeling the need to change our family's focus from inward towards us and how the season affects us to outward toward the people around us that are struggling each year, with pain, finances and everyday wants. How this is going to look we're not sure yet but I know one thing, next year is going to be less about what we can't do, how we don't feel or what we don't get and more about Who He is, What He wants us to do and How He makes us feel. All this in the hopes that it carries foward into the New Year and every day of our lives. It's time to make Christmas less about one day and more about Everyday.

Shameless plug

2009-12-10T10:27:00.000-06:00

I love words, I love reading and it's often how God speaks to me the most. My wonderful Sister and Brother in Love both have blogs that I check daily. There isn't a time when what God gives them to share doesn't speak to me in some way. Their last posts are so God given that I'm suggesting you go read them! Bethany is at http://his-beloved2.blogspot.com/ and Tim is at http://a-warriors-heart.blogspot.com/ . I love them both and love the heart that they share with us all.

Searching for Meaning

2009-12-08T10:36:00.003-06:00

As we head into December and begin to celebrate the birth of a very important baby I find myself stuffing some lingering pain, anger and resentment about the miscarriage. I have had no desire to try to see what possible good God could have brought out of this or what he could be wanting to show me. It took a book about a mother being found by her son she put up for adoption to break through the wall I was putting up. (side note, if you haven't read any of Angela Hunt's books pick one up, this one is called "The Debt" and is amazing)
The son is hit by a car right in front of her and she gets to hold him as he is called home, just like she got to hold him right after he took his first breath... that part was powerful enough but later in the book she is talking to her husband and said this ...

"I drove around town tonight, Able, and I asked the Lord why he brought Chris into my life. I mean, look at it from an eternal perspective - I knew Chris only four days. If God meant to take him home today - and I believe he did - then he could have just as easily kept Chris in New York with his parents. but God sent Chris to Wiltshire, and to me. The Lord used Chris to pull me out of my usual places and patterns, and he had to have a reason. I want to understand it." (emphasis mine)

I had to put the book down and just deal with the tears pouring forth, from the first pregnancy test that was positive to the second that was negative was 4 days, it was a fluke that I took a test at all, usually I would have just waited much longer and probably wouldn't have even known I was pregnant, the only way to accept that God loves me through all this is to trust that there was an eternal reason why it happened. I'm still not seeing it and don't know if I ever will, I sure hope so, I am praying that whatever it is that he reveals it to me, the sooner the better for my pain sake but I know that sometimes the answer is wait, be patient or even sometimes No. I really struggle with genuine joy in a season that dwells on birth and new life and even sharing in the joy of those around me that are bringing new life into this world.

I'm holding on to promises like this one, Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. Psalm 126:5 and praying he can break through the walls I find myself erecting even when I don't want to.

It Must Be Small

2009-11-28T07:01:00.003-06:00

Below is from my daily readings. I am so thankful today for the small company, the band of brothers (and sisters) who have gathered with me to walk in each others lives. Thank you for your trust, your guidance, your support and most of all for your unconditional love! You all are an answer to years of prayer for this very thing.

When he left Rivendell, Frodo didn’t head out with a thousand Elves. He had eight companions. Jesus didn’t march around backed by legions of angels, either. He had twelve men – knuckleheads, every last one of them, but they were a band of brothers. This is the way of the kingdom of God. Though we are part of a great company, we are meant to live in little platoons. The little companies we form must be small enough for each of the members to know one another as friends and allies.

Who will fight for your heart?

How can we offer the stream of counseling to one another, unless we actually know one another, know each other’s stories? The reason counseling became a hired relationship between two people was largely because we couldn’t find it anywhere else; we haven’t formed the sort of small fellowships that would allow the stream to flow quite naturally. Is it possible to offer rich and penetrating words to someone you barely know, in the lobby of your church, as you dash to pick up the kids?

Where will you find the Four Streams?

The Four Streams are something we learn, and grow into, and offer one another, within a small fellowship. We hear each other’s stories. We discover each other’s glories. We learn to walk with God together. We pray for each other’s healing. We cover each other’s back. This small core fellowship is the essential ingredient for the Christian life. Jesus modeled it for us for a reason. Sure, he spoke to the masses. But he lived in a little platoon, a small fellowship of friends and allies. His followers took his example and lived this way, too. “They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts” (2:46). “Aquila and Priscilla greet you warmly in the Lord, and so does the church that meets at their house” (1 Cor 16:19). “Give my greetings to the brothers at Laodicea, and to Nympha and the church in her house” (Col 4:15). (Waking The Dead , 190, 191 )

Proof God hears

2009-11-16T09:09:00.002-06:00

Have you ever had someone say they cried out to God for proof that he existed or that he was really listening to their cries, or had that happen yourself and that there was an immediate response? Like a phone call from someone saying "I don't know why but I'm praying for you".

This is something I've only heard about from friends and never experienced myself, and I'm struggling with whether or not I should even need this. Lately I've been crying out to God about needing some very specific concrete proof that he is even hearing my hearts cry yet I feel such a blank wall, and then I start to wonder what am I doing wrong that I can't hear God.

I'm having to walk through such an ambiguous physical situation right now that if feels like only something concrete from God will ground me. And yet do I have the right to ask for that? I can't begin to find direction on this in my bible and I know that is my own fault for not knowing it like I should.

Lord God, you know what I'm asking for (and it's not a pregnancy, though that would be nice) and it's something I know only you could bring about. Please hear my cry and meet me today, show me you are really listening to my heart.

2009-11-15T20:11:00.001-06:00

My Hopes and Dreams

Now Carried on Butterfly Wings

A Conscious Choice

2009-11-12T11:17:00.007-06:00

I'm beginning to realize that I can have a conscious choice to hope, to dream, to wait and see what God has planned for me. I can have hope without the dread of crushing disappointment. Not to say that the disappointment might not come but I can chose to let it be overwhelming or merely something I acknowledge but don't give power to.

Psalm 42:11 (New International Version)
11 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

Pain will come, disappointment will come but so can Joy and Hope if I allow them to.

If I shut the windows and doors and never look outside I'll never know when the rain stops and the sun comes shining again!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you've knelt beside the rubble
Of an aching broken heart
When the things you gave your life to
Fell apart
You're not the first to be acquainted
With sorrow grief or pain
But the master promised sunshine
After rain

Hold on my child
Joy comes in the morning
Weeping only last for the night
Hold on my child
Joy comes in the morning
The darkest hour means dawn
Is just in sight

To invest your seed of trust in God
In mountains you can't move
You have risked your life on things
You can not prove
But to give the things you can not keep
For what you can not lose
Is the way to find the joy
God has for you

Hold on my child
Joy comes in the morning
Weeping only last for the night
Hold on my child
Joy comes in the morning
The darkest hour means dawn
Is just in sight

The darkest hour means dawn
Is just in sight

Joy Comes in the Morning by Bill and Gloria Gaither

Longing for Hope

2009-11-10T12:21:00.002-06:00

I think if I wait till I'm ready to talk about this I'll never get it out. On Wednesday October 14th I found out I was pregnant, something I've been dreaming about and desiring for 6 years. On Friday October 16th I started to miscarry. That was the longest hardest weekend of my life. The highest of highs and the lowest of lows in 3 short days. Needless to say I've had some choice words for God this past month.

I've had such a tenuous grasp on hope for a real long time and this just crushed any hope I had left. I don't know if I even know how to hope anymore.

I should start my period this week, all I can see is the promise of more pain, of more crushed dreams, I can't even see the potential for joy. I need God in such a mighty way this week but in all honesty I don't expect to see Him, and that grieves me more than anything.

I know Hope is out there waiting I just don't know how to find it.

being honest before God

2009-10-29T11:44:00.002-05:00

My awesome B-I-L and brother in Christ challenged me today to be honest with God, to pour out what is so deeply in my heart it's things only he knows... and he does know already. Why do I think that because I know he already knows these things I don't need to talk to Him about them? Okay Tim, I'm gonna try cuz my heart is hurting so much today I can't even breath...

The names of God

2009-10-20T09:28:00.004-05:00

nothing fancy, today I need to sit in His presence and feel the need to list the names I know Him by and why, a reminder for my soul of sorts...

God!

All Powerful - He can handle anything that I send His way

Emanuel - God is with us, He is with me second by second, day by day, month by month, year by year through all eternity, but am I with Him?

El Shadi - All Sufficient, He can be my everything, am I letting Him?

Truth - I can trust everything I read in His Word

The still waters - if I will allow Him He will lead me to Himself and I can rest beside Him

And - if He is The Beginning and The End, Alpha and Omega then He is the and in between, He is ever present, ever loving, ever knowing

The Bridegroom - He is pure love waiting with baited breath for me to walk down the aisle to Him, why is this one the hardest to believe and understand when I have such an amazing example before me each day in Matt?

Like minded friends part 2

2009-10-06T09:07:00.003-05:00

God is taking Matt and I on an expedition, a journey of discovery if you will, about what the Church is. Part of that is the need and desire to find friends to travel with us. I am blessed more than I realize some days by an incredible group of ladies who support me, cry with me, pray over me and will even pick up my pack and carry if for me if I get to tired to do it myself. One of the coolest parts is that there are some who are shoulder to shoulder with me and then also ever growing rings of support, kinda like the ripples on a lake when a rock is thrown in... these ladies and their husbands are our church. A fellowship of like minded believers who might not be in our lives day in and day out but are willing to open their lives to us, to share their pain and burdens, joys and triumphs, to bless us and be willing to be blessed by us. Thank you Father for continuing to open my eyes to all you have blessed me with. You have answered prayers, You have been faithful even in the face of my doubt, questions and anger, You are Alpha & Omega, The Beginning and The End, You are and always will be.... I love you Daddy, help me to continue to crawl to your lap of forgivness and words of love and wisdom.

The need for like minded friends part 1

2009-09-30T15:18:00.001-05:00

Hopefully you will find a few folks who walk with God to also walk with you through the seasons of your life. But honesty – and Scripture – forces me to admit they are a rare breed. Few there are who find it. All the more reason for you to make the number less scarce, by becoming someone who walks with God and teaches others how.
Look to those who have walked with God down through the ages. Certainly that is why the Bible is given to us. If God had intended it to be a textbook of doctrine, well then, he would have written it like one. But its not; it’s overwhelmingly a book of stories – tales of men and women who walked with God. Approach the Scriptures not so much as a manual of Christian principles but as the testimony of God’s friends on what it means to walk with him through a thousand different episodes. When you are at war, when you are in love, when you have sinned, when you have been given a great gift – this is how you walk with God. Do you see what a different mindset this is? It's really quite exciting.

from (Waking The Dead , 107, 108)

more tonight...

The Road

2009-09-29T13:52:00.001-05:00

The Road goes ever on and on

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way

Where many paths and errands meet

And whither then? I cannot say.

- J. R. R. Tolkien

Anybody got a time machine for sale?

2009-09-27T21:23:00.003-05:00

I wonder if I had a time machine if I would go back and change things, then I think, but some of what I've gone through, done, has shaped me to be who I am and what I believe and would I be the same if I changed my choices... but I still would like to forget much of last year, it wasn't a great year, I ended the school year and some of the summer, burnt out emotionally, physically and spiritually.

I want a do over.

Yet, there is something about coming to the end of yourself in all those ways at once that makes you see the things that are really important and gives you glimpses of what God just might have waiting for you. Not to say that I still don't screw up royally quite often, just that for once in my life I've started accepting the grace he has always offered.

The condemnation of all my past that I've lived under and worried about and flogged myself over and over about is losing it's grip, one conversation with God, one conversation with my sweet husband, one conversation with my Godly counsel, at a time.

I am finding verses even now that I know are some I need to be hiding in my heart and posting them on the doorframe of my home (well, maybe the fridge will do, it's the part of the house I seem to see the most). Here are some I found tonight

"For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart and knoweth all things." 1 John 3:20

"For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more." Hebrews 8:12

"As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us."
Psalms 103:12

I am ready to begin anew and to see all that He has laid out in front of me... praying for daily truths from Him as I continue down this path called life.

disappointments

2008-08-05T09:16:00.003-05:00

I'm sitting here full of resentment, disappointment and even a little anger. It's been a week of let downs and plans getting changed beyond my control. It began when I found out our mission trip to Ghana had somethings happen to it that could cause big problems. Well turns out they did and now we aren't going in November. This is the 3rd time we've tried to go on a trip to work with the Seatons. I'm seriously beginning to feel like we (or maybe just me) aren't supposed to go at all. Part of this is another potential delay in deciding if we're ever having any more kids which for those of you who know me well is a very sore subject with me sometimes. I struggle with this daily. But all this was manageable because we were heading to the beach... my souls respite... I love the beach, I love the sounds, the warmth of the sand, the smell of the salt spray. I would live on a beach if I could. Then along comes a dumb tropical storm called Eduard... long story short now we are heading to Bastrop to stay at a house with a pool and a farm attached. It's not setting so well with me today as this morning I learned on the news that the stupid storm moved in the night and didn't even affect the beach we were going to ( it had been on a direct path and expected to reach Cat 1 Hurricane force by landfall). So now no beach, no trip and possibly no more kids all in one weekend. God and I are going to have some serious discussions this week while I sit in the Texas heat.

open and bare

2008-07-08T14:18:00.002-05:00

I'm just going to lay this out there for those of you who feel able to lift me up in prayer... I am feeling out of sorts and just crummy today. Don't know if I'm getting sick, or allergies are acting up or if it's just my old sin nature raring it's ugly head. I feel wasted, tired, grumpy and like lashing out at one and all... really all I want to do is bury myself in the blankets and let the world fend for itself (you know that means my poor husband and kids). But of course I can't do that and so the battle rages in me. I covet your prayers that I can get off my kester and do something about this. Thanks guys.

why we do VBS

2008-06-28T22:09:00.003-05:00

This year I heard of a conversation between a mother and her kids about why our church does VBS. They were talking about all the time and money we pour into this week and is it worth it. This is what I think.

We spend 12 months planning and preparing for 7 and 1/2 hours of time spread out over 5 days. But why we do it was evidenced in the decision of 7 kids this week to follow Christ as their Savior. I'd do it for just one kid... actually I'd do it even if we didn't have one child make a decision during the week because I know they will have had Christ poured into them by at least 8 people and most of the time more than that during the week. As hard as this year was preparation wise the joy I got to experience as I listened to Kim rejoice over the 3 girls she personally lead to Christ and the beam on a moms face as she heard of her child's decision made it all worth it. Thank you to all you who supported our church in time and prayer.
You guys rock!

(Oh yeah and the conversation I got to hear about... they reached the same conclusion )

And the two shall become one

2008-06-25T22:37:00.003-05:00

I took the kids to the pool today and decided to enjoy the fact (don't faint here Matt) that as long as Serah has her arm floaties on I can just let them swim and sit in the sun and read, problem is I don't have a fiction book to read. So today I figured I'd pick up the book that has been sitting on my bedside table for way too long. I started it a while back but never got real far in. I don't know why I put it down, I started reading the first chapter and it just resonated in me. It's one many of you have heard of and probably read already. Stormie Omartian's The Power of a Praying Wife.
I've been so reminded lately of just how important our marriages are and how under attack they are each day, in big and subtle ways. We have so many friends who either are or have been on the brink of divorce and it's scary how they got there. I pray often for my marriage and for those around me.
I have to share some of the things that stuck out the most to me because if I wrote down them all you'd be here all night. First I could just pray these sentences and it would probably be enough... they say it all.
"I will not allow anything to destroy my marriage."
"I will not stand my and watch my husband be wearied, beaten down, or destroyed."
"I will not sit idle while and invisible wall goes up between us."
" I will not allow confusion, miscommunication, wrong attitudes, and bad choices to erode what we are trying to build together."
"I will not tolerate hurt and unforgiveness leading us to divorce."

this is so important: We are a team, one unit, unified in the Spirit. Our strength as a man and wife joined together in God's sight is far greater than the sum of our individual strengths because it was the Holy Spirit that unites us and gives us power to our prayers. And the power that resurrected Jesus (Holy Spirit) is the very same power that will resurrect the dead placed of our marriage and put life back into it. "God both raised up the Lord and will also raise us up by His power" 1 Corinthians 6:14

Another cool thing that I came across that God was able to show me the growth and change in our marriage was this passage in Joel. "I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten" Joel 2:25 He took me back to our early years and let me tell you the locust weren't just swarming they were thick on the ground. Then He showed me how he has completely restored those years because the closeness and joy we have in each other now is a complete opposite to the separation and sorrow from those first couple of years. We sometimes joke that we've finally gotten to have our "honeymoon period" 13 years later but what a testament to His ability to keep two people so dissimilar together. I love where she says "God is big enough to accomplish all this and more". God and his grace and power is what has kept us together and nothing else.

If I could figure out how to add more songs to my playlist I'd put all of Steven Curtis Chapman's all about love on it. I love this album and the promise of many more years together.

Don't end your day without telling your love how much they mean to you. Find some way to show them you care and are praying for them.

Hmmm ponder this...

2008-06-22T23:27:00.003-05:00

was doing my bible study tonight , yes Amy more than one day in one night, it's VBS crunch week, I know poor excuse, anyway... and in my reading I came across these verses,
Mat 26:59
The chief priests and the whole Sanhedrin were looking for false evidence against Jesus so that they could put him to death.
Mat 26:60
But they did not find any, though many false witnesses came forward.
Finally two came forward
Mat 26:61
and declared, “This fellow said, ‘I am able to destroy the temple of God and rebuild it in three days.’ ”

and also

Mar 15:29
Those who passed by hurled insults at him, shaking their heads and saying, “So! You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days,
Mar 15:30
come down from the cross and save yourself!”

I don't think I've ever "seen" these passages before, I'm sure I've read them many times but tonight God revealed something to me that I think is so cool... think on this.

Jesus was crucified or "destroyed" and then three day's later rose from the dead or was "rebuilt". Wow the very thing that was meant for insult was prophesy for those who would believe in him... in fact check this out...

Jhn 2:19
Jesus answered and said unto them, Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.
Jhn 2:20
Then said the Jews, Forty and six years was this temple in building, and wilt thou rear it up in three days?
Jhn 2:21
But he spake of the temple of his body.
Jhn 2:22
When therefore he was risen from the dead, his disciples remembered that he had said this unto them; and they believed the scripture, and the word which Jesus had said.

I mean how cool is that... I hope this hits some of you like it hit me... everything in His Holy Word is full of meaning and it all points back to Him, everything. It just kills me sometimes that it's taken me this long to start to "get it"... I often want to go back and change that selfish person who thought it all applied to me not HE... I'm praying that this study will lead me away from the bottle of milk and on to the plate of meat he has waiting for me.

Much prayers needed

2008-06-19T08:01:00.002-05:00

VBS is like a train speeding recklessly down the track. I feel so out of control this year and like things aren't getting done. I don't know why the second year seems worse than the first. I'm not communicating well with others this year and it really frustrates me. I know that the simple solution is to take it to God and that's what I'm trying to do... but even that I'm not doing well this year. I really need the prayers of all you around me to make it through this week and next. Thank you for always being there for me.. you guys rock.

my testimony

2008-06-02T01:36:00.002-05:00

I needed to write this for something and I found myself unable to sleep tonight. I think God had this time set aside for me. It just seemed to flow out. Thank you Lord for your patience, grace and understanding. I pray you use this in more ways than I planned it to.

When I was six I said to my mom “ I need to go now” like most moms her first reaction was “not now Church is almost over“. So I said “ No, I need to go down front, Jesus needs my heart”. This is a story I’ve heard many times over the last 29 years. But I have to say I have no memory of it. I know I was baptized I’ve got a certificate from my church. But yet again I have no memories. I know I went to church most Sundays beginning soon after birth. But it hasn’t always been a smooth path. I had my highs and my lows. I participated in Sunday School, Mission Friends, GA’s, Acteens and many youth activities. Unfortunately by the time I hit High School the youth department I attended was in shambles. I put my Christian growth and trust in the wrong people. I made very poor choices and received advice that should have shamed those giving it to me. I ended up stepping away from the church and to an extent God for a season. But God in his infinite mercy and grace never turned away from me. In many ways he protected me from myself and my stupid and selfish choices. Eventually I found my way back to church and a strong College and Career class that pointed me in the right direction for spiritual growth. I still had my ups and downs but after 15 years God has given me a strong desire to know Him more daily and to trust Him with my marriage, my children and my life. This past spring I finally gave way to pride and obeyed His request that I give myself a baptism to remember. Matt was so strong and supportive and baptized me in front of our whole family, which in my mind means my church family too. I know that to survive each day in His will I need to surround myself with Godly council, people I know are following His path and voice. I can only pray that God increases my testimony in ways I can’t even imagine.

Matt

2008-05-27T09:02:00.003-05:00

I have been so blessed by Matt. He is so the Christian man that God had chosen for me. I love the joy he shares with me. The desire for closeness and intimacy that I see in his eyes and hear in his words is so much more than I ever hoped for. Thank you Lord for this blessing you have bestowed on me. I don't deserve your love or his. I pray that you teach me how to be a better wife daily. Our marriage is such a precious gift.

What is surrounding me, God or the world?

2008-04-10T09:58:00.003-05:00

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads." Deuteronomy 6:5-8

I struggle with this so much, I want to have His word constantly before me... wouldn't it be cool if every where you turned there was scripture verses on signs or billboards, tickers, everywhere... but it's not like that, what we do see is the world crammed down our throats day in and day out. So short of literally writing His word all over my body how do I do this? How do I make it such a part of my day that I find myself talking about it all the time, when we are sitting, when we are walking down the road, day in and day out instead of the world before us we had God and His mighty powerful word before us, behind us, surrounding us.

They bring me such joy!

2008-04-06T16:36:00.004-05:00

I love to watch them in play... to see the joy that His creation brings to them. This is on our spring break trip to visit Grand Tacon in Alabama. We went to the beach for a day and had a wonderful time. Can't you just hear them, ready, set, jump.

Somewhere in the Middle

2008-04-05T08:27:00.003-05:00

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You’ll find me...

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You’ll find me...

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You’re by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I’m caught in the middle

I heard these powerful words last night at a Casting Crowns concert... wow... to hear him speak straight to my heart in the middle of thousands of people was a humbling thing. Even that night as I got ready it crossed my mind... what was my focus on? Looking good for people who mean a lot to me but are only part of this physical world or preparing myself to actually worship Him? I have to admit that looking nice won out and I never stopped to pray, to ask Him to show me His word last night. Yet even in my absolute contrariness He found me. He was by my side bringing me back closer to Him and away from the middle.

In my reading time this morning the devotional I get talked about Christ's returning and how we shouldn't count the day's because we can't know when He is coming back: "I don't think friends, that I need to deal with the question of when all this is going to happen. You know as well as I that the day of the Master's coming can't be posted on our calendars. He won't call ahead and make an appointment any more than a burglar would." 1 Thessalonians 5: 1-2 (the Message) yet we do know the burglar is coming and we need to prepare ourselves for that... the kids and I sometimes watch a show called "It Takes a Thief"... the premise is that we don't prepare ourselves for the eventuality of a break in and these former thieves come in and break into your house and show you how easy it it... of course they give everything back and set up peoples houses to be safe, the kicker is that before the guy breaks in they set everything up with producers, add cameras to the houses and people know that at some point this guy is going to try to break in... I don't get why they don't prepare, they just sit there like it will never happen... how like that are we? We as His children have been told He is coming , "like a thief in the night", and yet we live our lives day to day like it's either never going to happen or like it won't be that big a deal when it does and it's a long way off so why get prepared... my heart has been so stirred to get ready; to prepare my kids, to ready my home, to live a quiet life that points others to Christ, to follow 1 Thessalonians 5:16-24 " Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not put out the Spirit's fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil. May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it."

Lord, create in me a clean heart, clothe me in your righteousness, for my own desires and my own choices in life are like filthy rags, show me the path you want me to take, the life you want me to live (and love), Thank you for walking by me daily, for never leaving my side even when I turned away from you and spent my time in communion with my other walking companion, temptation, I ask that you help me keep my focus on you so much that the temptations in life begin to weaken and fall back to walk behind us, I know they will never be gone but I am on my knees asking you to help me diminish their strength. Thank you for being my God and God alone, I praise your holy name. My life is yours.

A quiet walk with Him

2008-03-28T09:36:00.004-05:00

Imagine taking a walk with God down either one of these paths... the quiet companionship, the conversations you are sure to have, the joy in the moment... what's to stop us from allowing these moments to happen anyway? Our pride? Our busyness? Our grief? Lord help us to stop and dwell in your presence daily.

The Perfect Path

2008-03-27T18:37:00.003-05:00

The LORD says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you. Psalm 32:8

I am so aware of my failings in life so much so that I find it hard to see those things I do right. I find myself so concerned about doing it the right way and taking the right path I don't wait for His wisdom and advice. I walk so fast I end up on the edge of His protection. I don't think we are ever out of his protection but I think we can be just on the edge where it can take more time to protect us than if we are walking by His side. It's like our kids when they are just out of arms reach... we have to lunge to keep them from falling off the stepdown they don't see because they are too busy looking ahead at the thing that tempts them and keeps them from walking slowly beside us.

Lord, help me to slow down, to listen for your voice and trust you to show me the best path for my life and those whose lives I'm responsible for.

A begining

2008-03-25T19:44:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure how great I'll be at this but I'm going to try. This is going to be about the things God is teaching me. I hope to post something most days but know that some days it just gets away from me.

The reason I chose The Plain Path for my blog title is I know this a battle I face daily... keeping up w/ the Jones'... What He wants from me is to learn contentment, peace in the life he chose for me and trust in a daily walk with Him.

I'll share what he shows me with honesty and trust that you my family will keep me in your prayers and hearts.